Changes



It’s been hard to answer the question, “How’s the new job?” or more specifically, “How’s the Empire?” Two weeks ago, I left my job at KTOO and, three days later, started a new one at the Juneau Empire.

I am still a general assignment news reporter, except my news will only be available in print and no longer in spoken form. In other words, you can only read my stories, not hear them. I am no longer part of the hip public media world (something that’ll be hard to get over, if I ever do completely), but a part of the corporate machine. Instead of walking down the hall and asking a coworker for help when I have an IT issue, I now call a 1-800 number and talk to someone in India. 



But, I must add, instead of coming home and complaining about this or that or so-and-so, I haven’t really complained yet (not seriously at least). And most importantly, instead of working 60 hours a week, I work 40. 40. Plain and simple. 



Resigning from KTOO was one of the most spontaneous things I’ve ever done, except for the fact that I’d been wanting out for close to a year on and off. Scott and I had gone to Chile for three weeks. When I got back to work that first morning, I learned of a big change in the newsroom, an unwelcome change, and I snapped. I resigned within an hour of returning to work after being on holiday for three weeks. I gave two weeks notice, took two days off, and started a new job.



This past Friday, I was six days into the new job and had written seven stories.

Over the past couple of weeks or so, I’ve probably cried, or come close to crying, three times about the whole thing. There was a sense of being let down, because, yeah, I resigned, but they also didn't put up much of a fight to keep me. I cried when I first started at the Empire because it proved that it was all so true — that I had really left radio. 



So many people have said congratulations to me about my new job, or how it’s KTOO’s loss, how they’ll be sad to no longer hear me on the radio. One person said, “I’m mad at (name of KTOO’s general manager)” because KTOO had managed to lose me. I told her not to be, that it was my decision, but really, that’s the reaction I want from everybody. 



So, how is the new job? It’s a job. 



At some point — in Chile, resigning, transitioning — I lost a little passion. I stopped caring as much. When I worked at KTOO, that was almost all I did. I worked. I dreamt about work, I woke up thinking about work, I came home and complained about work. I gave so much to KTOO and it did give back — I loved being on a dog walk and hearing from a stranger how much they appreciate my work — but I didn't ultimately feel appreciated by my work place. I felt betrayed over and over. And I don’t want to feel that way again. 



I’m at this point where I need to keep my distance from what I do for money. I’ll work my ass off for 40 hours a week, but when I’m not there, I’m not there. It’s not like I’ve stopped stressing, because I still stress out about work, but I’m trying to less and less. Other things have taken priority.



I don’t know if this is a good thing, though. A reporter should be passionate. Maybe I’ll get it back.