Alaska Day

According to Wikipedia: "Alaska Day is a legal holiday in the U.S. state of Alaska, observed on October 18. It is the anniversary of the formal transfer of Alaska from Russia to the United States following the Alaska Purchase, which took place at a flag-raising ceremony at Fort Sitka on October 18, 1867.
Alaska Day is legally observed statewide, and is a paid holiday for State of Alaska employees. It is generally only celebrated in Sitka, where schools release students early, many businesses close for the day, and events such as a parade and reenactment of the flag raising are held."

Just to make things clear, I am at work today as are the majority of people I know. The KSTK bunch is off; therefore, an unfamiliar voice is coming out of the radio today.

In honor of Alaska Day, I thought it might be nice to reflect a bit on my time here, take stock.

Since moving to Wrangell, I’ve written for 47 issues of the Wrangell Sentinel, the “Oldest Continuously Published Newspaper in Alaska,” not to be confused with the Nome Nugget, “Alaska’s Oldest Newspaper.” For each paper, I write anywhere between 5 and 8 stories, and out of all that writing, all those words, I have trouble thinking of stories I’d use as clips to send out.

Before I moved here I thought I’d have all this time to stare out the window and write for myself. I thought I’d be so bored that I’d be forced to write. I thought this was my time.

I had this thought fairly recently and I tried to explain it to a friend but not sure if I conveyed it enough. I have all these thoughts of what I would do if this, what I hope to do, what I mean to do, what I will certainly do one day, what I will one day change about myself – essentially I am at this constant stage of expectancy. Everything seems to be a prequel to something else. I went through every ordinary stage of schooling, I’ve traveled some and have lived elsewhere, I’ve dated – all this material that I assumed was preparation.

It’s funny because I find myself grasping at clichés to explain what I’ve been just starting to realize – the light at the end of the tunnel is right in front on me; the end of the race is here. Perhaps what I’m doing a bad job of explaining is something everyone else has already dealt with, or just always knew. It doesn’t necessarily have to do with living in the present as it has to do with accepting who I am in the present. The person I am now may actually be who I just am. And this life that I’ve been preparing for started a few years ago.

This does not just apply to what I hope to accomplish. It has to do with habits I’d like to shake, personality traits I’d like to conquer. Like: What if I never write for myself (this blog doesn’t count). What if I never write a query letter. What if no location ever forces me to write. What if I’m not really a writer. What if I am a jealous person. What if I’m always more sensitive than the average person. What if every time I confront someone, I get a bit choked up. What if I will always prefer to spend time with friends doing nothing than spending time alone doing something more substantial.

I’m not eliminating or downsizing the possibility of change. I buy a plane ticket to Alaska and, poof, change - almost everything is different. It’s other things – notions, ideas – that I’ve had lodged in my mind for years that are harder to evoke.

I do think that I’d have a better time if I did accept myself more for what I am now, instead of what I hope to be.

My ‘taking stock’ process didn’t really come out like I wanted. Nothing I just wrote has to do with Alaska necessarily. Or maybe it has everything to do with Alaska.

Happy Alaska Day.