Goodbye, Hello

I’m supposed to be napping, but I can’t fall asleep. Our flight to Beijing was scheduled to leave at 1:40 am, but the departure time was changed to 4:00 am, so we decided to go to sleep around 10 pm and get a couple hours of sleep before driving to JFK airport around 12:30 am. The drive should take about an hour and twenty minutes, which means my mother will have to drive home alone around 2 am. I hate the thought of that, but I think we all preferred the option of going to the airport later rather than earlier just to eek out more time together, even if that time was spent sleeping.

The past few years, trips home – trips to the States – are always so jarring. This particular trip was even more so. For Scott and I, our heads were just in so many different directions. We had just come back from months of traveling in various parts of Asia, including the former hometown of my family, an experience that will continue to prove meaningful long after the visit, to land in New York into the loving embrace of my mother waiting at the airport. While in New York, there were good friends to visit, visas to procure, a wedding to get ready for. A few days later, Scott and I boarded a small plane along with five members of my family to Louisville. When we landed, we were greeted by my sister, Cam Ly, and my two cousins. And for the first time in probably decades, in the Louisville Airport on a Thursday night, my whole family – my mother, Lynn, Quang, Minh, Cam Van, Cam Ly, Steve, Stephanie, and myself – were all in the same place at the same time. It was a joy I hadn’t felt before, like all the pieces were finally together. The following two days were filled with wedding craziness. We all pitched in and worked hard to ensure that Cam Ly had the wedding of her dreams. By Monday, we were returning to the airport once again, this time to fly to Wyoming. At Scott's parent's home, we had ten days of being still, a sensation Scott and I haven’t felt since leaving our home in Bhutan in mid-December. We visited family and friends, we waited around for the wind to calm down long enough to float the river and catch fish, we were entertained by and tried to endear ourselves to Scott’s one-and-a-half-year-old nephew Jack over Memorial Day weekend, we caught up with a few friends from our Alaska days, we relaxed.

Just two days ago, we returned to New York, made one more rapid trip to the city, and then spent the rest of our little time left in the USA at my mother’s. And during all this activity squeezed into three weeks, we were sharing stories about Bhutan and India and Southeast Asia, we were thinking ahead to our coming adventure on the Trans-Siberian Railway, and we’ve had to start mentally preparing for going back to Tanzania in July for teaching. Hanging over all of this is the ever-present question of where we’ll be going, what we’ll be doing post Tanzania. I’ve never  before felt so caught between worlds and places and homes.

Every time we leave the states, for me at least, the sadness over saying goodbye outweighs the excitement of the adventure ahead more and more. Once we actually arrive to the next place, the excitement of being abroad returns quickly, but, right now, I feel a bit lost.

The fault lays with our family and friends. They’ve showered us with so much love, treated us so well, fed us and took us out to delicious meals, looked so excited to see us, went out of their way a countless number of time to spend time with us – how could someone leave all that behind on purpose? But Scott reminded me a day or so ago, “Goodbyes just lead to more hellos,” which is true. I can’t wait to get back to students and dear friends we had to say goodbye to in Tanzania a year and a half ago. And I can’t wait to be introduced to the new places and cultures we’ll encounter on our travels.

Despite knowing this logically, I must admit, the thought of saying goodbye to my mother in a few hours makes me want to cry.

Well, I feel like an old hobo
I'm sad, lonesome and blue
I was fair as a summer's day
Now the summer days are through
You pass through places
And places pass through you
But you carry them with you
On the soles of your travelling shoes

Well, I love you so dearly
I love you so clearly
I wake you up in the morning
So early just to tell you
I got the wandering blues
I got the wandering blues
And I'm going to quit
These rambling ways one of these
Days soon

~ “The Littlest Birds”