Birthday Thoughts

It’s a sad statement that when I opened up the laptop, the last word document that was still open was of notes from the August 19th City and Borough of Juneau Assembly meeting. Those were the last words I typed.

I’ve gone through various periods of not writing regularly in my blog – in fact, the majority of my blog is of irregular writings and thought bursts. I could chalk it up to Juneau’s beautiful summer and the normal busy-ness that surrounds the season. But in order to be honest with myself – and it’s good to be honest on one’s birthday – the lack of writing for the past few months correlates pretty much to when I started working at KTOO.

I’ve been putting so much energy into my job there, it almost seems like there's nothing left in my brain. I really can’t quite figure it out – as if there’s only so much I can squeeze out. But I know that’s not true. Our brains have an infinity amount of possibility and creativity if we push them.

It likely comes down to time. I’ve been working entirely too many hours and I’ve known it for a while. So many of us are workaholics – it’s a chronic problem. I remember talking with a woman in Gustavus who thought it’s cultural – in America, our worth is judged by our productivity. We came up with many examples from our own experiences that supported the theory and I’m sure there’ve been an endless number of essays and books on the topic.

Abby sent out a link a month or two ago about regrets before death. The top one was working too much. Another was not keeping in good enough touch with old friends. Both seem cliché but both also resonated in me. Since reading that link and feeling a deep sadness about friends who I’m not in good touch with, I haven’t done much about it. And the work thing has actually gotten worse.

My news director Rosie works regular late hours. I assumed her husband was just really understanding about it. But that’s not the case. She told me yesterday her husband is always on her case about it and thinks her working so many hours is ridiculous. Another reporter, Casey, said his wife has the same opinion. Matt, who comes into work at 4:30 am to be the morning host and often stays at work until 5 pm or later, wasn’t around during the conversation, so we couldn’t ask what his wife thinks but one can imagine.

I love my job. It’s the only job I wanted when we moved to Juneau. It’s the job I wanted to come back to America for. But it’s only a job.

And as I turn 33 and continue to navigate a life in this country, I need to remember what matters. I need to remember an important value we used to practice that was so important in Tanzania and Bhutan – living life slowly.