Overwhelmed

Today I struggled and I think I’ll continue to struggle for some time now, perhaps for the whole school year. Last year I was one of six teaching staff members at a school that just opened in 2008. I created my own responsibilities in a system-less environment. Now I’m one of 17 teaching staff members at a school that’s been around since the 1970s. I’m being given a whole host of responsibilities in a system-packed environment. With 26 periods of English to teach a week (of the 33 possible), a literary program to coordinate, a newspaper club to run, a homeroom to look after, and a house to master, I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed. Maybe this is what I get for pretending to be a real teacher.

Last year I planned as I went, as I learned how to do things, as I got to know the students, as I gained more confidence (I recall times last year when my confidence levels gained and retreated, rose and fell). Right now I’m in a situation where I have to plan a whole year in a few days for students I don’t know, at a school whose rules and procedures I’m completely foreign to.

This is why I think I need to meditate (although, realistically, I don’t think I’ll find the time). Find inner peace, to know that this time of struggle will pass. This period of cold will pass, of seeing my own breath inside the house, of cold knees and the desire to always be drinking something hot. This will pass. As it always does.