Journal Entries from Bristol Bay
Here are some journal entries written during my time in Bristol Bay, which lasted between June 18 and July 9. These are only excerpts and not the entries in their entirety. I left out stuff that wasn’t pertinent to the fishing as well as things that I thought were crude, like examples of Frank’s jokes, which were in bad taste then and would be in bad taste still.
21 June
We’re tied up to Trident right now, squeezed between two other boats – The Sofia on the outside and The Harrier on the inside. I did my first tie-up. I haven’t gotten any “formal” training from Frank yet. Everything I’ve learned, I’ve learned from Sierra. I’m sitting by the stern on a beach chair facing the sun that’s trying it’s darndest to come out from the layer of clouds. I see blue clear sky above it and I know – I hope – the sky will be all that, as it has the past few days in the Bay.
Adjacent to us tied up to the dock is Marie K from San Pedro, California, and Snowflake from Juneau. Snowflake seems like a pretty wimpy name, but endearing also. In general, other boats from southeast seem familiar and comforting. It’s making me realize just how much southeast has gotten into my identity, my sense of self.
22 June
It’s Friday today. I arrived on a Monday evening. And Frank says his gut tells him we’ll be fishing by Saturday. We have to wait for an opening, until Fish and Game tells us we can fish. It’s been the first day of rain, actual rain, and today is the day we’ll be going over to Nushagak. We’re going to tie-up so I have to get ready.
10:20 p.m.
Friday evening and we made it to Nushagak. About an eight hour ride, some of it really rough with huge swells. I was bad there for a bit thinking I was going to get sick but I laid down and slept instead. There are many tenders here but no boats and Frank is nervous about that. He just said, “It’s a terrible start,” to which Connie responded, “That means it’ll be a good end.” He wonders where all the boats are, says it’s already quite late. By this time last year they already had 10,000 lbs. So we’re waiting now and I wish beyond anything else, I had brought my knitting.
23 June
I see 40 boats, plus the Glory B. Don’t think that’s an accurate count but it’s what I see with my own eye right now. It stopped raining so I’m sitting outside on the back deck. I like it here a lot better than in there, which is where I’ve been forever it seems, at least all day today. But tomorrow – tomorrow we fish at 11 a.m. Hurrah. I can finally see and experience what I came out here to see and experience. And hopefully I’ll be ok at it. Hopefully our luck will be ok and we can get a lot of fish. I saw two jumpers earlier this evening. We’re at Clark’s Point right now, below Nushagak River.
24 June
See, I thought we were definitely fishing today at 11 a.m., but really the announcement said fishing could occur “as early as 11 a.m.” but it didn’t happen at 11 a.m. or at any hour today. Now Fish and Game say “as early as 1 p.m.” tomorrow. So it’s more waiting. Today seems to be going slower than any other day. Frank and Connie say that this has never happened before. Waiting this long. Last year, they say, it was the exact opposite. 21-hour openings right away, and now this year, nothing. Sierra says the fish have been late with all runs, so this is normal.
I can’t even count how many boats are out here right now at Clark’s Point. Maybe a hundred. Frank says there are usually 300. It’s a sight I’ve never seen before, which is cool, but uncapturable by camera. Tomorrow – we’ll see about fishing. I don’t know how much of this waiting I can take. It’s almost the 4th in Wrangell. If anything, this trip has shown me how much I miss Wrangell.
25 June
One week since I arrived and just had first opening – 3 p.m. to 6 p.m., and success! 1,280 lbs! Going to go to bed because next opening is at 3 a.m. to 7 a.m., so will get a few hours in. Had fresh red salmon for dinner. Hope all continues well.
26 June
We’re in the midst of the third set. Frank wants to forget about the second set – the one where we woke up at 2:30 a.m. to do a 3 a.m. to 7 a.m. period. The result – 137 lbs. So after, we ate breakfast and slept some more only to wake up a few hours later at 1 p.m. to begin the 1:30 p.m. – 9:30 p.m. period. I’m not going to keep track of the times of periods and poundage. It all escapes me really. But, aside from some intense nausea this morning, things have been fun and good. At one point we pulled a full net (one of three) on board with the fish in it, then set the other two and let them marinade as we picked the one net full of fish. That is called round hauling. Right now we have all the nets in the water – and it doesn’t look like too many fish are catching. It seems like we got our big load earlier. Our next period is at 2 a.m.
29 June
We’re in the midst of a set. We’re letting it soak, the second set. Sierra and I pulled an intense first set. I’m definitely getting more used to it, but not liking it anymore. In fact, I may be despising it more and more. If I didn’t like Sierra, this fishing would be torture.
30 June
It’s hard to remember why I’m doing this when I’m feeling so damned miserable. It’s like I enjoy torturing myself or something, or depriving myself of happiness, because I was happy. Maybe that’s why I’m here – to have something to compare happiness to. I’m here for the “experience” – god. What a lame reason. Why didn’t anybody tell me that was the lamest reason? When Scott and I saw Stephen up river, Stephen said, “I hope you find whatever you’re looking for.” He didn’t say, “Have fun,” probably because he knew it wouldn’t be. And I thought then as I think now, “What am I looking for?” This is utter misery. I know I have to stay because of responsibility and commitment.
A man on a tender just gave me bananas.
1 July
Yes, we’re into July. Finally. Maybe time will become quicker, move faster from now on. Because up until now, it has moved slower than any other time period of my life. The number one thing I’ve realized since living on this boat: the captain, the skipper, however you want to refer to him as, is an asshole. He tells the worst jokes ever. If he’d ever shut up, I might be able to respect him, maybe.
6 July 2007, around 4 a.m.
I don’t think Frank is a very good fisherman. I guess I never really thought he was or went into this thinking he was, but now I know for sure: he’s mediocre at best. And now, tomorrow – rather – today’s opening is at 9 a.m. and we can’t even fish it because Trident isn’t buying from any districts in the Bay. What a piece of shit, I think, but no one else seems up in arms, or maybe they are but hiding it well.
I think today was the best day so far in terms of enjoyability. Read all day (thoroughly enjoying Brothers K, a lot) and during, the cloudy day turned into one of sun – absolutely beautiful. Sierra and I sat on the deck and talked a lot. It’s great to have someone to bitch with, to empathize, and just someone to shoot the shit with. As I’ve said before, without her, someone I was compatible with, this job would be utter torture. Frank and Connie are terrible conversationalists, and if either of them is intelligent, they have yet to exhibit any signs. Also, very exciting news – today marks the halfway point! From here on it, it’s all downhill. Hurrah. And will try very hard to employ positive thinking – very, very hard.
7 July 2007
This is such bullshit! We’re catching hardly anything. Frank is incompetent I’ve determined. I want off this boat now. Fuck fuck fuck.
9 July 2007
There will certainly be nothing I miss about this “adventure.” My morale is so down. It’s hard for me to exercise positive thinking when Frank and Connie both suck so much. Plus, I don’t have practice – I’m usually happy. We’re about to go dry because there is something wrong with the rudder – the boat can’t steer. So Frank needs to fix it. He’s always fixing something. This whole trip is a wash – this whole thing, and all I want is for Frank not to be able to fix it so this nightmare can end. Because this truly is a nightmare, one I voluntarily took up – my huge mistake. I need to stop moving. I need to be happy with where I am, what I have. I need to stop looking for material. I’m such bullshit. I admit it – I am bullshit.
21 June
We’re tied up to Trident right now, squeezed between two other boats – The Sofia on the outside and The Harrier on the inside. I did my first tie-up. I haven’t gotten any “formal” training from Frank yet. Everything I’ve learned, I’ve learned from Sierra. I’m sitting by the stern on a beach chair facing the sun that’s trying it’s darndest to come out from the layer of clouds. I see blue clear sky above it and I know – I hope – the sky will be all that, as it has the past few days in the Bay.
Adjacent to us tied up to the dock is Marie K from San Pedro, California, and Snowflake from Juneau. Snowflake seems like a pretty wimpy name, but endearing also. In general, other boats from southeast seem familiar and comforting. It’s making me realize just how much southeast has gotten into my identity, my sense of self.
22 June
It’s Friday today. I arrived on a Monday evening. And Frank says his gut tells him we’ll be fishing by Saturday. We have to wait for an opening, until Fish and Game tells us we can fish. It’s been the first day of rain, actual rain, and today is the day we’ll be going over to Nushagak. We’re going to tie-up so I have to get ready.
10:20 p.m.
Friday evening and we made it to Nushagak. About an eight hour ride, some of it really rough with huge swells. I was bad there for a bit thinking I was going to get sick but I laid down and slept instead. There are many tenders here but no boats and Frank is nervous about that. He just said, “It’s a terrible start,” to which Connie responded, “That means it’ll be a good end.” He wonders where all the boats are, says it’s already quite late. By this time last year they already had 10,000 lbs. So we’re waiting now and I wish beyond anything else, I had brought my knitting.
23 June
I see 40 boats, plus the Glory B. Don’t think that’s an accurate count but it’s what I see with my own eye right now. It stopped raining so I’m sitting outside on the back deck. I like it here a lot better than in there, which is where I’ve been forever it seems, at least all day today. But tomorrow – tomorrow we fish at 11 a.m. Hurrah. I can finally see and experience what I came out here to see and experience. And hopefully I’ll be ok at it. Hopefully our luck will be ok and we can get a lot of fish. I saw two jumpers earlier this evening. We’re at Clark’s Point right now, below Nushagak River.
24 June
See, I thought we were definitely fishing today at 11 a.m., but really the announcement said fishing could occur “as early as 11 a.m.” but it didn’t happen at 11 a.m. or at any hour today. Now Fish and Game say “as early as 1 p.m.” tomorrow. So it’s more waiting. Today seems to be going slower than any other day. Frank and Connie say that this has never happened before. Waiting this long. Last year, they say, it was the exact opposite. 21-hour openings right away, and now this year, nothing. Sierra says the fish have been late with all runs, so this is normal.
I can’t even count how many boats are out here right now at Clark’s Point. Maybe a hundred. Frank says there are usually 300. It’s a sight I’ve never seen before, which is cool, but uncapturable by camera. Tomorrow – we’ll see about fishing. I don’t know how much of this waiting I can take. It’s almost the 4th in Wrangell. If anything, this trip has shown me how much I miss Wrangell.
25 June
One week since I arrived and just had first opening – 3 p.m. to 6 p.m., and success! 1,280 lbs! Going to go to bed because next opening is at 3 a.m. to 7 a.m., so will get a few hours in. Had fresh red salmon for dinner. Hope all continues well.
26 June
We’re in the midst of the third set. Frank wants to forget about the second set – the one where we woke up at 2:30 a.m. to do a 3 a.m. to 7 a.m. period. The result – 137 lbs. So after, we ate breakfast and slept some more only to wake up a few hours later at 1 p.m. to begin the 1:30 p.m. – 9:30 p.m. period. I’m not going to keep track of the times of periods and poundage. It all escapes me really. But, aside from some intense nausea this morning, things have been fun and good. At one point we pulled a full net (one of three) on board with the fish in it, then set the other two and let them marinade as we picked the one net full of fish. That is called round hauling. Right now we have all the nets in the water – and it doesn’t look like too many fish are catching. It seems like we got our big load earlier. Our next period is at 2 a.m.
29 June
We’re in the midst of a set. We’re letting it soak, the second set. Sierra and I pulled an intense first set. I’m definitely getting more used to it, but not liking it anymore. In fact, I may be despising it more and more. If I didn’t like Sierra, this fishing would be torture.
30 June
It’s hard to remember why I’m doing this when I’m feeling so damned miserable. It’s like I enjoy torturing myself or something, or depriving myself of happiness, because I was happy. Maybe that’s why I’m here – to have something to compare happiness to. I’m here for the “experience” – god. What a lame reason. Why didn’t anybody tell me that was the lamest reason? When Scott and I saw Stephen up river, Stephen said, “I hope you find whatever you’re looking for.” He didn’t say, “Have fun,” probably because he knew it wouldn’t be. And I thought then as I think now, “What am I looking for?” This is utter misery. I know I have to stay because of responsibility and commitment.
A man on a tender just gave me bananas.
1 July
Yes, we’re into July. Finally. Maybe time will become quicker, move faster from now on. Because up until now, it has moved slower than any other time period of my life. The number one thing I’ve realized since living on this boat: the captain, the skipper, however you want to refer to him as, is an asshole. He tells the worst jokes ever. If he’d ever shut up, I might be able to respect him, maybe.
6 July 2007, around 4 a.m.
I don’t think Frank is a very good fisherman. I guess I never really thought he was or went into this thinking he was, but now I know for sure: he’s mediocre at best. And now, tomorrow – rather – today’s opening is at 9 a.m. and we can’t even fish it because Trident isn’t buying from any districts in the Bay. What a piece of shit, I think, but no one else seems up in arms, or maybe they are but hiding it well.
I think today was the best day so far in terms of enjoyability. Read all day (thoroughly enjoying Brothers K, a lot) and during, the cloudy day turned into one of sun – absolutely beautiful. Sierra and I sat on the deck and talked a lot. It’s great to have someone to bitch with, to empathize, and just someone to shoot the shit with. As I’ve said before, without her, someone I was compatible with, this job would be utter torture. Frank and Connie are terrible conversationalists, and if either of them is intelligent, they have yet to exhibit any signs. Also, very exciting news – today marks the halfway point! From here on it, it’s all downhill. Hurrah. And will try very hard to employ positive thinking – very, very hard.
7 July 2007
This is such bullshit! We’re catching hardly anything. Frank is incompetent I’ve determined. I want off this boat now. Fuck fuck fuck.
9 July 2007
There will certainly be nothing I miss about this “adventure.” My morale is so down. It’s hard for me to exercise positive thinking when Frank and Connie both suck so much. Plus, I don’t have practice – I’m usually happy. We’re about to go dry because there is something wrong with the rudder – the boat can’t steer. So Frank needs to fix it. He’s always fixing something. This whole trip is a wash – this whole thing, and all I want is for Frank not to be able to fix it so this nightmare can end. Because this truly is a nightmare, one I voluntarily took up – my huge mistake. I need to stop moving. I need to be happy with where I am, what I have. I need to stop looking for material. I’m such bullshit. I admit it – I am bullshit.
posted by Siapiau | 4:30 PM
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